Hello guys! I should be working on a paper at the moment (or two papers....) but I don't really know what I'm doing so it's hard to get anything done. So I thought, instead of working, I'd give you guys some updates on my life.
Real college is hard! Well, not really. NYU is actually remarkably not difficult for the reputation it has. The classes are pretty easy it's just strange not taking creative classes. I haven't done purely academic work since high school and it's hard for me to concentrate. It's a pretty lame complaint because I know regular college stuff is what everyone goes through and I'm definitely not complaining - just a strange change of pace for me. It makes me realize that even if I'm not successful in film that art school was definitely the right choice for me. I'm so bored with my classes this semester and I never feel that way at NYU. Even when I'm ready for the work to wind down I'm always really energized by my film classes.
At the moment I'm taking Italian, History of the Medieval Church, Politics of Organized Crime and Florentine Villas. Italian is hard because I'm terrible with languages but luckily I have a lax teacher. She's a little Italian lady who has the look of someone who's been chain smoking for the last 40 years of her life (and she's probably like 45). My other classes are pretty cool. We visited a lot of really nice villas in the Florentine villas class but the teacher doesn't speak very good English so it's hard to grasp anything from what she tries to explain to us.
I haven't really traveled as much as I would have liked to this semester. Travel in Europe is REALLY expensive. I mean, much cheaper than getting from the US to anywhere but for someone on any sort of budget. It's also a bummer because NYU is a school for mostly really affluent people, especially the school of arts & sciences (which is what I'm currently studying in, though I am actually part of the performing arts school). There's a ton of people with a lot of money floating around who travel every weekend on really extravagant trips and it's hard not not be jealous.
From what I have done, though, I love the travel aspect of study abroad. I went to Scotland over spring break and it was really amazing. I didn't want to leave. We went to Switzerland last weekend which was really great. We ended up going to a town that was built only for people doing winter sports so there wasn't much for us to do, which was disappointing. We didn't have the money to do any of the activities, nor did I really want to. Plus, Switzerland is insanely expensive because it's sort of isolated and has a booming economy. Most meals at regular style restaurants were over 20 dollars. It was so amazing to see the Alps though. We took a train up to a ski town in the mountains and it was really fantastic. It was really beautiful and I'm so glad I went. We've had a lot of troubles with travel too. We had to cancel a trip to Paris without getting a refund from our flights which sucked so much. We had an event scheduled for class at the last minute and we couldn't miss it without losing two letter grades. I was really upset. We also had a problem with our tickets to Switzerland and had to re-purchase them for twice the price day of (we would have considered not going but we were already far North in Italy so we would have had to pay to take the train back either way). Europe (especially Italy) is a frustrating place in a lot of ways. Maddy mentioned this but there's just so many conveniences you don't realize about the United States. It's hard to fix problems when you don't speak the language well or you are just generally an outsider.
I also miss the food. Dear god, I miss food. I'm living on campus this semester so I have a required meal plan and the cafeteria is really not good. It's all Italian food but it's very different than what we consider Italian food. There's tons of meat and fish and very little vegetarian options. They also use a lot of strange combinations of flavor. It's hard to explain in a specific way but overall its just really not good. I think it's something that, though it seems really silly, has made the whole semester a lot harder. Having to eat cafeteria food that you really don't like gives you this overwhelming feeling that you totally lack control of your life. Everything is new about the semester - and different and complicated - and you can't even make yourself feel better by eating something you like. It's a stupid complaint - I just miss having a stove and a kitchen and things like bread with salt. On that note, you should know that Florence does not make their bread with salt. This is because during the Middle Ages, when the cities within Italy were city-states, Florence was at war with Pisa which was their supplier of salt. So Florence decided to say fuck it to Pisa and decided they didn't need their salt and made all their bread without salt. They have done it ever since and it tastes like crap. Pisa definitely won this one. It's really time for Florence to give in on this one.
I think that's a sort of strange explanation of Florence and Italy. Italy has a very specific feel compared to the rest of Europe. Italy has a really rich and powerful past - the Renaissance, ancient Rome, the Etruscans, the home of the popes and more. They're really proud of this - as well they should be, but it has a distinct feel that they haven't moved forward. Italy has a really backwards government that was governed by one political party for a long time. It has a ton of corruption, large amounts of organized crime, and transportation strikes almost every week. It has this overwhelming feel of the fact that the culture really believes they've accomplished everything they need to. It's so strangely different from the political and societal feel of the United States - we are constantly emphasizing what we are going to do, what we can change and where we are going. How we can improve the future, what we can make better or more efficient, what we can discover about the world. I don't mean to sound narrow minded. I know all people in Italy are not like this (I've met some great Italians, don't get me wrong) - in the same way not all Americans are about moving forward - it's just a strange very different cultural feeling that I've gotten from the last semester. It makes me glad to be from the United States in a way I never expected, which, I think, is a big purpose of study abroad. Our professor for our villas class told us that Etruscan remains were really incredible because they were from thousands of years ago and that you can't find anything like this in the United States - because we have nothing this old. I understand what she meant - true, we didn't have an organized civilization on the scale of the Etruscans at that time period - but we still have archeological history. It's a very narrow-minded view to see North America as having nothing from thousands of years ago. We have indigenous people and a past. It's just different.
ANYWAY, weird rant over. I'm really glad study abroad is coming to an end. I think when it's over I'll have some really good memories from it - and things that made me stronger blah blah blah. But I'm just so freaking ready to be home. I miss having friends so much. I'm really horrible at meeting people and I really don't like any of the people here. All the people I've hung out with, mostly my roommates and girls from my floor, are really....just shallow. They're not very smart and they're not really interesting. They're kind of from this little bubble of wealthy white neighborhoods. My roommate constantly points out when there's lots of asian people around and it's sort of awkward. I feel bad because I've kind of bailed on them as friends but I'm just really spoiled by you guys. Nobody is ever as good and sometimes its hard to think about making new friends when I know I have much better ones waiting for me. I miss you guys :(
I also miss Hannah and Kaitlin a lot, though it's been sort of weird with them this semester. They're both sort of flaky and they never really get back to you when you try to contact them. It's like we're SO close when we're together and we never talk when we aren't - and I'm not used to having friends like that. It's totally irrational but sometimes it makes me feel like they don't really want to talk to me or something. They're also going to London next semester so it'll be really strange going back to NYU and not having my close friends there.
I have all my classes for next semester which I'm really excited for. I need to figure out my internship and work situations too but that's really stressful. I should be applying to more internships but I'm so scared of not getting them that I'm psyching myself out and putting it off. The whole future is terrifying. I'm graduating a semester early and only taking two classes my final semester - which means I'll be a part time student. That means I really only have one semester left of real college - and then I have to do things like...get a job. That's completely terrifying. The creative field is such a scary place. I really want to work in writing - either print, publishing, or film - but it's so hard to get anywhere as a writer. There's no path to get to these places and that makes the future a vague and scary, scary place.
Well, in conclusion, now that my word vomit is coming to an end - there's all my big bundle of feelings and study abroad experiences. I can't wait to see you guys soon!
Also, I'm twenty-one and that's really, really exciting.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
summer summer summer
Hiiii guys! I was rereading everybody's blogs today at work (Facebook is blocked. I get bored) so I thought I would give you all an update on my life and summer. It's not particularly crazy but here ya go.
Right now I'm laying down on my bed which is Spencer's guest room futon. It's super comfy but the room is always warm. My stuff is strewn everywhere - I've realized, no matter what, I'm always a messy person. It can't be contained. I'm sorry world (and Thielmann household). I try to keep it in contained piles...but I can't. I'm watching old episodes of The Office in the background and wearing one of Spencer's old giant tshirts from when he worked at the park. Spencer's asleep which is probably what I should be doing but after working all day I get too antsy to go to bed early.
So here's a basic rundown of my day. I wake up around 6:20, dick around on the internet while I try to pull myself out of bed, eventually get up, put clothes on and look at my puffy tired face in the mirror. I eat breakfast with Spencer and hang out with his mom. I take tea with me and Spencer drives me to the train station on his way to work. I catch the train in New Brunswick which is about a ten minute drive from Spencer's house. On the train I drink my tea and read Game of Thrones and sometimes listen to music. It's a nice way to start my morning without a lot of pressure and some guaranteed time to myself to read. I'm also working my way through the Song of Ice & Fire books which is so much fun (I'm on the last book right now!).
I take the train to Newark (in New Jersey) and transfer to the Path train (which is sort of like a subway that goes in to Jersey) which takes me to the World Trade Center stop in Manhatten.
Earlier in the summer I was working two different jobs. Thursdays and Fridays I worked for a production company in Soho called kNow which made international human rights documentaries.
Here's the trailer for one of the films I helped with: https://vimeo.com/28705424
I worked on mostly grant writing - which is filling out grant applications to fund films. kNow (pronounced "know" - world's dumbest name) was kinda cool. The people were nice and the work was sort of interesting but I wouldn't ever want to make documentaries so I got sort of bored. It was also a lot of people I wasn't particularly interested in getting to know. They were nice but sort of vacant in a New York artsy way. Since they were such a small production company they couldn't afford to pay me. I thought this would be fine but I had a couple financial problems that I wasn't expecting. My parents partially owned the emergency vet clinic (with a ton of other vets) in Des Moines and the stock sold last year which is the only way my family can afford for me to go to NYU. This registered on my financial aid this year and this made it look like my parents had a much higher income than they actually have - and I didn't qualify for work study. Besides the fact that this is total bullshit and I am still way below the median income at NYU, it wouldn't usually matter since the on-campus jobs at NYU usually don't require that you are work study. Plus if you don't get work study you can just get one of many jobs in NYC, but in Florence you MUST have work study to work on campus and it's illegal to work on a student visa in Italy. This made things really different for me in Italy so I decided after a month to quit kNow. I had learned a lot in the few weeks but I didn't think staying there would benefit me anymore. I ended up quitting kNow - which was fine because my boss was really nice and understood completely. This is my first week of working full time at Trinity, my other job. Trinity is a large church in Manhatten downtown next to the World Trade Center site. For reference - they find the treasure here in National Treasure.
This is what I look at everyday - http://www.gothereguide.com/Images/USA/NY/Trinity_Church_new_york.jpg I work in the archives department for Trinity which is really interesting. I found the job on an NYU career site and saw that it was a paid internship which was good enough for me. The archives department is really chill. It's a musty old room with lots of old books. I look through original documents (right now I'm on 1836) of burial records at the various churches and churchyards owned by Trinity and double check and add some information to the computer archives & Trinity's website. It's really cool getting to handle old documents and the information is interesting. Right now I'm adding in cause of death to all the old records and there's some really fascinating things like cause of death as "insanity" or "visitation from God." The 1800s were interesting times. Lots of babies died.
At work I'm allowed to listen to headphones so I've been listening to a lot of books on tape. I've been listening to The Magicians. I eat my lunch either in a big breakroom on the 2nd floor or outside in the churchyard - which is really pretty.
Churchyard - http://www.flickr.com/photos/bluenyc/3564773765/
I sit in the yard and either read or listen to fantasy books and eat my lunch from home. It's this weird little bubble where it feels like I'm living in my own fantasy world. It's really nice in a way that sort of makes me feel like a little kid - but at the same time so happy. I've missed just living in my own little world sometimes. I like to think about how I'll remember this summer as my summer of living in a bunch of different fantasy worlds in the Trinity Churchyard. I like my coworkers a lot. They're super funny and they mostly talk about movies all day. I'm still really shy around them so I sort of just seem insane and awkward because I'm always staring at them and laughing along silently. Talking to people is hard. On the way home I usually run to the train station. I read more or, when I'm tired, listen to my books on tape and try to find a seat by myself to zone off staring out the window. Spencer picks me up from the station and drives me home (he gets home like a half an hour before me). We make dinner - usually something frozen or quesadillas and we watch tv and hang out. We've been watching a lot of Arrested Development. It's so fun coming home and hanging out at night - but it sucks because I'm so tired by the time I get home that it feels like I'm just going to sleep as soon as I get home. Working is hard. This all just makes me hope to god that some day someone will pay me to write. Weekends are fun - but I'm usually exhausted during them. Spencer and I watch a lot of movies. We hang out with his friends a lot - mostly Neil, Eric and Dave. We drink some and play a lot of board games - like the Game of Thrones board game which is amazing! I'm also learning to play D&D which is just complicated right now and potentially fun. We go to see a lot of movies - I can get discounted tickets through work at Trinity which is nice. We're going to see The Dark Knight Rises this weekend and I'm sooo excited. :D That's all I can really think of right now. I'm getting really excited for Italy. I got a new backpack and a camera (ok ok I know I was just complaining about making no money but a camera was really important as a film major and I am sick of not having pictures of anybody and I'm going abroad - I had to!!). Also I've been drooling over these boots that are on sale and you should all convince me to buy them (my shoes keep falling apart!!). But also yeah Italy is going to be fantastic. I'm still trying to work out a schedule where I have one different class from Spencer. I'm really worried about being annoyed about some dumb stuff because I don't take enough time for myself - but that's such a good problem to have. Everything else is going so well. Anyway - that's all I've got for now. Please comment away because comments are fun. Bye bye!
Here's the trailer for one of the films I helped with: https://vimeo.com/28705424
I worked on mostly grant writing - which is filling out grant applications to fund films. kNow (pronounced "know" - world's dumbest name) was kinda cool. The people were nice and the work was sort of interesting but I wouldn't ever want to make documentaries so I got sort of bored. It was also a lot of people I wasn't particularly interested in getting to know. They were nice but sort of vacant in a New York artsy way. Since they were such a small production company they couldn't afford to pay me. I thought this would be fine but I had a couple financial problems that I wasn't expecting. My parents partially owned the emergency vet clinic (with a ton of other vets) in Des Moines and the stock sold last year which is the only way my family can afford for me to go to NYU. This registered on my financial aid this year and this made it look like my parents had a much higher income than they actually have - and I didn't qualify for work study. Besides the fact that this is total bullshit and I am still way below the median income at NYU, it wouldn't usually matter since the on-campus jobs at NYU usually don't require that you are work study. Plus if you don't get work study you can just get one of many jobs in NYC, but in Florence you MUST have work study to work on campus and it's illegal to work on a student visa in Italy. This made things really different for me in Italy so I decided after a month to quit kNow. I had learned a lot in the few weeks but I didn't think staying there would benefit me anymore. I ended up quitting kNow - which was fine because my boss was really nice and understood completely. This is my first week of working full time at Trinity, my other job. Trinity is a large church in Manhatten downtown next to the World Trade Center site. For reference - they find the treasure here in National Treasure.
This is what I look at everyday - http://www.gothereguide.com/Images/USA/NY/Trinity_Church_new_york.jpg I work in the archives department for Trinity which is really interesting. I found the job on an NYU career site and saw that it was a paid internship which was good enough for me. The archives department is really chill. It's a musty old room with lots of old books. I look through original documents (right now I'm on 1836) of burial records at the various churches and churchyards owned by Trinity and double check and add some information to the computer archives & Trinity's website. It's really cool getting to handle old documents and the information is interesting. Right now I'm adding in cause of death to all the old records and there's some really fascinating things like cause of death as "insanity" or "visitation from God." The 1800s were interesting times. Lots of babies died.
At work I'm allowed to listen to headphones so I've been listening to a lot of books on tape. I've been listening to The Magicians. I eat my lunch either in a big breakroom on the 2nd floor or outside in the churchyard - which is really pretty.
Churchyard - http://www.flickr.com/photos/bluenyc/3564773765/
I sit in the yard and either read or listen to fantasy books and eat my lunch from home. It's this weird little bubble where it feels like I'm living in my own fantasy world. It's really nice in a way that sort of makes me feel like a little kid - but at the same time so happy. I've missed just living in my own little world sometimes. I like to think about how I'll remember this summer as my summer of living in a bunch of different fantasy worlds in the Trinity Churchyard. I like my coworkers a lot. They're super funny and they mostly talk about movies all day. I'm still really shy around them so I sort of just seem insane and awkward because I'm always staring at them and laughing along silently. Talking to people is hard. On the way home I usually run to the train station. I read more or, when I'm tired, listen to my books on tape and try to find a seat by myself to zone off staring out the window. Spencer picks me up from the station and drives me home (he gets home like a half an hour before me). We make dinner - usually something frozen or quesadillas and we watch tv and hang out. We've been watching a lot of Arrested Development. It's so fun coming home and hanging out at night - but it sucks because I'm so tired by the time I get home that it feels like I'm just going to sleep as soon as I get home. Working is hard. This all just makes me hope to god that some day someone will pay me to write. Weekends are fun - but I'm usually exhausted during them. Spencer and I watch a lot of movies. We hang out with his friends a lot - mostly Neil, Eric and Dave. We drink some and play a lot of board games - like the Game of Thrones board game which is amazing! I'm also learning to play D&D which is just complicated right now and potentially fun. We go to see a lot of movies - I can get discounted tickets through work at Trinity which is nice. We're going to see The Dark Knight Rises this weekend and I'm sooo excited. :D That's all I can really think of right now. I'm getting really excited for Italy. I got a new backpack and a camera (ok ok I know I was just complaining about making no money but a camera was really important as a film major and I am sick of not having pictures of anybody and I'm going abroad - I had to!!). Also I've been drooling over these boots that are on sale and you should all convince me to buy them (my shoes keep falling apart!!). But also yeah Italy is going to be fantastic. I'm still trying to work out a schedule where I have one different class from Spencer. I'm really worried about being annoyed about some dumb stuff because I don't take enough time for myself - but that's such a good problem to have. Everything else is going so well. Anyway - that's all I've got for now. Please comment away because comments are fun. Bye bye!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
new semester
hey guys! i don't have a lot of formulated thoughts so i'll try to put some things here.
i got back to new york last week. spencer's mom offered to pick me up at the airport which was soo nice cause my airports in new jersey and such a hassle to get to (plus it was nice of her and i got to see spencer right away). i got to my dorm, dropped off my stuff, and she gave both of us a ride to spencers dorm. his roommates hadn't moved in yet so we just hung out and it was amazing - eating snacks, watching movies, goofing around, wearing minimal clothes. he also moved his furniture around and tried to teach me to longboard. it was all really, really fun.
i've been avoiding going home - i've only been back about three times. i made polite small talk with laura and i figured everything was okay and we could just go back to avoiding each other until later i was talking to hannah who said that (and i've told a lot of you about this already) laura wants to confront me and tell me all the things that bother her. she has this thing where she feels like saying everything she feels and being confrontational confirms and empowers who she is - which can be true for some people but just turns out really mean and self centered with laura. so now i hate being home cause whenever she's there i'm so nervous she's going to confront me. i don't care if she doesn't like me - honestly, i'd prefer it, i just can't deal with confrontation. i shut down and can never say anything i meant to. so mostly i keep my headphones on and don't talk to her if i am there at all.
hannah and i are still really good friends and we've realized we don't need to hang out all the time - we're both really relaxed about our friendship. like i'll see you when i see you and i know you still care about me, so it makes it really nice. we've also been talking a lot about how we don't want to be friends with the people we were last year. i feel bad, but i just want....different people. i want people who do goofy stuff and are genuinely nice and not obnoxious and have the same sense of humor as me - not people obsessed with material things and image and being cool and who are mean and not funny.
i've been hanging out with spencer's group of friends and i loooove them. i still feel awkward around them because i feel like the new one but they are so, so nice and genuinely hilarious. they remind me of you people you guys would really like. spencer had them all over one night and then we went to see goldeneye at midnight in theaters. it was so silly - they all just wanted to talk about how fun action movies are and how fun the goldeneye game is. hannah has been hanging out with us too and its really fun when its hannah, spencer, kaitlin and me. kaitlin and spencer are really good friends and kaitlin is a really funny overwhelming person. i like her so much but when its her and spencer i get sort of drowned out because i'm still kind of intimidated by how much i like her but with hannah everybody is sort of balanced out. on monday we played mario kart and got drunk and it was the best night.
i got hired for a job on campus. its as a tech at the cantor film center - which is an old movie theater they use for classes. i haven't started yet because of lots of complicated paperwork and training. i'm nervous because its going to be really hard and i'm not good with technology but it will be nice to have money. classes started this week. i like my writing class but its on monday mornings so its hard to get enthused. my writing professor wrote madagascar though!! we had to read loglines of famous movies (a logline is a basic summary of the story in one sentence - for example "a young prince, after his fathers death, must deal with his own guilt and inevitable rise to power" - the lion king) and kaitlin (she's a really good friend of spencer's)'s example logline was madagascar. it was really fun. my next class was poetics of witnessing. its a class through my school (tisch) at nyu thats open to the whole school so i'm taking it as a gen ed class. its alright - its about experimental documentary and its kind of irritatingly art school and vague but i don't have any time to switch to something new so c'est la vie. the next day i had an intro to editing class which i loved. our professors so nice and super goofy - he edited into the bedroom which is AMAZING. he showed us lots of reedited star wars clips and monty python. it got me really excited about editing. next i had my production class which is called sight & sound: studio. we're learning how to direct for multi camera studio (like how friends is shot). its not something i'm interested in doing - i don't want to direct, i don't want to be on set, so its really stressful, but we talk about tv a lot and once i pick it up it'll be fun. spencer, hannah and a bunch of my friends from film last semester are in that class but we got split into two halves and hannah and i got put in the shitty half. its a lot of people i would never work with and sabrina and aaron who are nice people but bad to work with and i really don't want to be friends with anymore so it just stresses me out a lot. after class they wanted to get lunch and i felt horrible but i just lied and went to eat with spencer and hannah. i feel really bad but i don't know how else to handle the situation.
so that was yesterday. i have studio again on friday and thursday is my day off. i will be working today but since i haven't actually started i have the whole day off! i had lots of plans for productive things to do but i slept over at spencers and since his roommates were gone and spencer had to go to work i'm just hanging out in spencers bed. i ate eggos and am drinking tea and watching downton abbey and am so content. being here really feels like home - especially when spencers roommates arent here. its a much bigger space than my dorm and it just feels a lot homier, plus it usually has spencer in it. (someone just came into fix the radiator - this is really awkward).
my future plans are starting to stress me out. i'm applying to study abroad, my first choice is a screenwriting program in dublin - but only 12 people get in. i want to go to dublin so much and the program sounds perfect. i'm really sick of new york and want to go somewhere green where there's country. but the things is...if i don't get in i'm going to do an academic semester unrelated to film and i'm applying to prague where spencer is also going. i'm so excited about the idea of it that now i'm just really confused about dublin. if i'm still dating spencer i will miss him so much in dublin and spend so much time coming to visit him. like it sounds silly to make this decision based on just a boyfriend and i'll obviously go to dublin if i get in, but now i really just want to romp around europe with spencer. i'm also applying for an internship with hbo over the summer. its INCREDIBLY competitive and there's basically no chance of me getting it but if i did....things would be so amazing. its paid and i would be working my dream internship and i'd stay with spencer all summer. i'm trying not to think about it because it probably won't happen anyway. i want to come home so much for this summer because i miss you all and my family so so much but at the same time some of you won't even be there and i'll just have to spend all my time working some shitty job to pay for dublin and i'll feel so unproductive and stuck. i want to stay here but then - staying here means i don't really live in iowa anymore - that coming home is coming for a visit and that freaks me out so much. all of it is just way too emotional.
i got back to new york last week. spencer's mom offered to pick me up at the airport which was soo nice cause my airports in new jersey and such a hassle to get to (plus it was nice of her and i got to see spencer right away). i got to my dorm, dropped off my stuff, and she gave both of us a ride to spencers dorm. his roommates hadn't moved in yet so we just hung out and it was amazing - eating snacks, watching movies, goofing around, wearing minimal clothes. he also moved his furniture around and tried to teach me to longboard. it was all really, really fun.
i've been avoiding going home - i've only been back about three times. i made polite small talk with laura and i figured everything was okay and we could just go back to avoiding each other until later i was talking to hannah who said that (and i've told a lot of you about this already) laura wants to confront me and tell me all the things that bother her. she has this thing where she feels like saying everything she feels and being confrontational confirms and empowers who she is - which can be true for some people but just turns out really mean and self centered with laura. so now i hate being home cause whenever she's there i'm so nervous she's going to confront me. i don't care if she doesn't like me - honestly, i'd prefer it, i just can't deal with confrontation. i shut down and can never say anything i meant to. so mostly i keep my headphones on and don't talk to her if i am there at all.
hannah and i are still really good friends and we've realized we don't need to hang out all the time - we're both really relaxed about our friendship. like i'll see you when i see you and i know you still care about me, so it makes it really nice. we've also been talking a lot about how we don't want to be friends with the people we were last year. i feel bad, but i just want....different people. i want people who do goofy stuff and are genuinely nice and not obnoxious and have the same sense of humor as me - not people obsessed with material things and image and being cool and who are mean and not funny.
i've been hanging out with spencer's group of friends and i loooove them. i still feel awkward around them because i feel like the new one but they are so, so nice and genuinely hilarious. they remind me of you people you guys would really like. spencer had them all over one night and then we went to see goldeneye at midnight in theaters. it was so silly - they all just wanted to talk about how fun action movies are and how fun the goldeneye game is. hannah has been hanging out with us too and its really fun when its hannah, spencer, kaitlin and me. kaitlin and spencer are really good friends and kaitlin is a really funny overwhelming person. i like her so much but when its her and spencer i get sort of drowned out because i'm still kind of intimidated by how much i like her but with hannah everybody is sort of balanced out. on monday we played mario kart and got drunk and it was the best night.
i got hired for a job on campus. its as a tech at the cantor film center - which is an old movie theater they use for classes. i haven't started yet because of lots of complicated paperwork and training. i'm nervous because its going to be really hard and i'm not good with technology but it will be nice to have money. classes started this week. i like my writing class but its on monday mornings so its hard to get enthused. my writing professor wrote madagascar though!! we had to read loglines of famous movies (a logline is a basic summary of the story in one sentence - for example "a young prince, after his fathers death, must deal with his own guilt and inevitable rise to power" - the lion king) and kaitlin (she's a really good friend of spencer's)'s example logline was madagascar. it was really fun. my next class was poetics of witnessing. its a class through my school (tisch) at nyu thats open to the whole school so i'm taking it as a gen ed class. its alright - its about experimental documentary and its kind of irritatingly art school and vague but i don't have any time to switch to something new so c'est la vie. the next day i had an intro to editing class which i loved. our professors so nice and super goofy - he edited into the bedroom which is AMAZING. he showed us lots of reedited star wars clips and monty python. it got me really excited about editing. next i had my production class which is called sight & sound: studio. we're learning how to direct for multi camera studio (like how friends is shot). its not something i'm interested in doing - i don't want to direct, i don't want to be on set, so its really stressful, but we talk about tv a lot and once i pick it up it'll be fun. spencer, hannah and a bunch of my friends from film last semester are in that class but we got split into two halves and hannah and i got put in the shitty half. its a lot of people i would never work with and sabrina and aaron who are nice people but bad to work with and i really don't want to be friends with anymore so it just stresses me out a lot. after class they wanted to get lunch and i felt horrible but i just lied and went to eat with spencer and hannah. i feel really bad but i don't know how else to handle the situation.
so that was yesterday. i have studio again on friday and thursday is my day off. i will be working today but since i haven't actually started i have the whole day off! i had lots of plans for productive things to do but i slept over at spencers and since his roommates were gone and spencer had to go to work i'm just hanging out in spencers bed. i ate eggos and am drinking tea and watching downton abbey and am so content. being here really feels like home - especially when spencers roommates arent here. its a much bigger space than my dorm and it just feels a lot homier, plus it usually has spencer in it. (someone just came into fix the radiator - this is really awkward).
my future plans are starting to stress me out. i'm applying to study abroad, my first choice is a screenwriting program in dublin - but only 12 people get in. i want to go to dublin so much and the program sounds perfect. i'm really sick of new york and want to go somewhere green where there's country. but the things is...if i don't get in i'm going to do an academic semester unrelated to film and i'm applying to prague where spencer is also going. i'm so excited about the idea of it that now i'm just really confused about dublin. if i'm still dating spencer i will miss him so much in dublin and spend so much time coming to visit him. like it sounds silly to make this decision based on just a boyfriend and i'll obviously go to dublin if i get in, but now i really just want to romp around europe with spencer. i'm also applying for an internship with hbo over the summer. its INCREDIBLY competitive and there's basically no chance of me getting it but if i did....things would be so amazing. its paid and i would be working my dream internship and i'd stay with spencer all summer. i'm trying not to think about it because it probably won't happen anyway. i want to come home so much for this summer because i miss you all and my family so so much but at the same time some of you won't even be there and i'll just have to spend all my time working some shitty job to pay for dublin and i'll feel so unproductive and stuck. i want to stay here but then - staying here means i don't really live in iowa anymore - that coming home is coming for a visit and that freaks me out so much. all of it is just way too emotional.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Hey guys.
So I'm in a really weird, bad mood right now so this blog might end up being just overly emotional and I might end up deleting it in the next hour but I really just needed to sort of type some things out. I've had a really weird day where I've just been super upset and its all stupid pmsy stuff but I just feel super shitty. The end of the semester's really busy and I don't totally know how my final's going to work out so I'm really stressed and I've just been really insecure recently. I keep rewriting my final and every time it sounds bad and trite and it makes me feel really untalented. I'm not very good at a lot of things and that bothers me a lot, but I always try to make it okay by the fact that I know I'm really good at writing and that makes everything sort of okay - like I traded in a lot of things for that so when I feel like I can't write I feel like I can't do anything and everything starts to feel like its collapsing. I also hold people's work in such esteem that I can't handle when I feel totally inadequate. Hannah and Spencer are so incredible and make such beautiful things that I start to feel like I don't know who I am when I can't make something. And when I do it never feels as good.
And with Spencer. I like him so, so much. So incredibly much and a lot of things that I'm really insecure about are starting to manifest themselves. Chase broke up with me because I was way too shy that I couldn't ever open up to him - or even, and this is pathetic, talk to him. I know this was a really long time ago and being a fourteen year old freshman is vastly different, but those feelings still scare me. When I'm enamored with someone I get really scared - scared I'm not good enough, not funny enough, not pretty enough and, especially, not interesting enough so all of those feelings have been crashing down on me recently. I feel like I can't find the right words ever and I'm just not a good enough person for this amazing person I'm with.
I've never gotten to this point in a relationship - where I had to really be myself to someone I cared about so much and hope that they loved me anyway. I feel like I'm starting to break down and I can't make myself be anything other than incredibly scared that I'm not enough. I'm not trying to make this blog a huge fish for sympathy or compliments, just an honest expression of the fact that I don't know what to do.
I know I complain about Max a lot. He's not a bad person, but it was a really bad relationship. I don't think I've ever really expressed how bad. Max said a lot of things that really messed me up. I made a really bad choice, for him and for myself, by dating him for so long. After we broke up, during last year, he said some of the worst things I've ever heard. Imagine someone who knew all the shitty things about you, the things that make you most insecure, and having them tell you all those things are true. I know break ups are hard and its so easy to be spiteful, but it was the worst thing. Last year I used to lock myself in my bathroom and cry because he was just texting me really mean things. Even when we were dating he always had a way of messing with my head - of making me feel incredibly useless and insecure. Stuff like that sticks with you - when someone who's supposed to care about you tells you you're crazy, that you don't care about anyone but yourself. Even tells you stupid shit like you're bad in bed. I don't know how to not lose someone. So, here I am, freaking out.
So I'm in a really weird, bad mood right now so this blog might end up being just overly emotional and I might end up deleting it in the next hour but I really just needed to sort of type some things out. I've had a really weird day where I've just been super upset and its all stupid pmsy stuff but I just feel super shitty. The end of the semester's really busy and I don't totally know how my final's going to work out so I'm really stressed and I've just been really insecure recently. I keep rewriting my final and every time it sounds bad and trite and it makes me feel really untalented. I'm not very good at a lot of things and that bothers me a lot, but I always try to make it okay by the fact that I know I'm really good at writing and that makes everything sort of okay - like I traded in a lot of things for that so when I feel like I can't write I feel like I can't do anything and everything starts to feel like its collapsing. I also hold people's work in such esteem that I can't handle when I feel totally inadequate. Hannah and Spencer are so incredible and make such beautiful things that I start to feel like I don't know who I am when I can't make something. And when I do it never feels as good.
And with Spencer. I like him so, so much. So incredibly much and a lot of things that I'm really insecure about are starting to manifest themselves. Chase broke up with me because I was way too shy that I couldn't ever open up to him - or even, and this is pathetic, talk to him. I know this was a really long time ago and being a fourteen year old freshman is vastly different, but those feelings still scare me. When I'm enamored with someone I get really scared - scared I'm not good enough, not funny enough, not pretty enough and, especially, not interesting enough so all of those feelings have been crashing down on me recently. I feel like I can't find the right words ever and I'm just not a good enough person for this amazing person I'm with.
I've never gotten to this point in a relationship - where I had to really be myself to someone I cared about so much and hope that they loved me anyway. I feel like I'm starting to break down and I can't make myself be anything other than incredibly scared that I'm not enough. I'm not trying to make this blog a huge fish for sympathy or compliments, just an honest expression of the fact that I don't know what to do.
I know I complain about Max a lot. He's not a bad person, but it was a really bad relationship. I don't think I've ever really expressed how bad. Max said a lot of things that really messed me up. I made a really bad choice, for him and for myself, by dating him for so long. After we broke up, during last year, he said some of the worst things I've ever heard. Imagine someone who knew all the shitty things about you, the things that make you most insecure, and having them tell you all those things are true. I know break ups are hard and its so easy to be spiteful, but it was the worst thing. Last year I used to lock myself in my bathroom and cry because he was just texting me really mean things. Even when we were dating he always had a way of messing with my head - of making me feel incredibly useless and insecure. Stuff like that sticks with you - when someone who's supposed to care about you tells you you're crazy, that you don't care about anyone but yourself. Even tells you stupid shit like you're bad in bed. I don't know how to not lose someone. So, here I am, freaking out.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
love and some verses
Hello everybody! Seemed about time for a blog, I guess. So here's some word vomit of emotion.
I'm really happy its autumn but its so strange to be turning twenty. Also birthdays are sort of sad in New York. Like, this year it'll be better because I have more of an established life and Spencer will make it fun, but its sort of this really melancholy feel that its not like my birthdays used to be. Like...when it smells like fall and what I really want to be doing is getting a book order and going to Campfire where everybody makes a big deal of my birthday and afterwards we all bring our sleeping bags to my house and wear costumes and eat junk food and we play some games but what I'm really looking forward to the whole time is PRESENTS. And after presents we watch some movie I got to rent that probably goes with the theme of the party. And then we'll play truth or dare but nobody really has anything secret to tell except for how Molly probably likes Peter or Robert. What I really want for my birthday this year is a cake with candles so when I blow them out it will actually smell like how birthdays should.
Anyway - my life has been good. This year's schedule is supposed to be crazy hectic, but mine still hasn't been too bad. It's a lot of work and it's hard to be constantly thinking of new, good ideas but I'm having a lot of fun and I feel like the creative part of my brain is so satisfied right now. I'm doing a lot of work I'm proud of which is all I can really hope for. I'm shooting a project tomorrow where two actors (Spencer and my friend Hannah, different than the one I live with) come into a room dressed up with animal masks and then take off their clothes and masks. It should be interesting to shoot and hopefully will look good in a silly way. Today the buses were running late from Spencer's dorm so I decided to skip my gen ed cause it meant having to go back to my dorm, get my stuff, and then hurry back. The class is cool - its called Religious Bodies. I like the topic a lot - its all about how our body is part of religion - either as a site of religious experience or as a sign - like what we show with our bodies, but the class itself can get a little boring. Its a lot of anthropological readings which get sort of tedious and I'm with a lot of religious studies/anthropology majors so its pretty dry. My other classes are going well - I love my TV class and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my writing class. The professor is amazing and probably my favorite I've had so far.
On the friend front - things are fine. I see Hannah a lot, which is great. Laura's been...super crazy. She's constantly in a bad mood and gets really snippy and confrontational about everything so I just sort of avoid the whole situation. She's also just...really materialistic, which she admits, and I mean is fine to some extent. I love clothes and I love getting new things, but she just seems silly to me. She's always buying new stuff and expensive groceries and its just sort of dumb. I feel like our room itself is the perfect metaphor for our relationship. She moved her bed so it now juts into the room - while mine's next to the wall, so her bed takes up most of the space. Her things take up most of the closet and everything she owns is overflowing with things. Even my dresser always has her stuff left on it. I'm really worried cause she wants to do the same study abroad program as me and I really cannot handle having her be the only person I know on an entire continent. But the thing is its my DREAM program and I'm so so so excited for it that I really don't want to let her ruin it. I think last year it was just so much easier because we both felt really happy to have someone since everything was so new and crazy and I felt like I had to put up with her, but, this year, I have no more interest in humoring her and I don't need to put up with all her crazy negativity all the time. We're just very very different.
Also Sabrina's been...not so fun to live with. She's a really sweet person but totally lives in this dreamworld where everything's sort of perfect for her but she totally doesn't realize it. She has so so so much. She's really affluent and her family has so many connections in the film industry that she never needs to worry about a job or money. She also has a lot of connections to celebrities and will just say things like "One time Carrie Fischer braided my hair like Princess Leia for school" and I'll just get so pissed off (which is totally my own fault because I'm super super jealous) and won't even be able to say anything to her. I mean, it's not her fault her life is amazing but it's just incredibly irritating that she has something that I've spent soo much of my life wanting - like ugh I used to have dreams I was meeting someone from the cast of Star Wars. She's also on Spencer's crew for his production class and can get incredibly lazy - like asking me to take equipment to Spencer's dorm for her and not going to shoots, which is just so frustrating.
It's been more apparent how different I am from the people I'm living with and it's been so nice to meet new people. I really like some of Spencer's friends in film and they asked Spencer why I was living with Laura and Sabrina cause we seemed so different and I had to think...and I figured out - I totally agree. I don't know why we're living together. I don't have any of their interests and I'm so much more about...being relaxed. I don't want to severe ties but I think we're just way better as casual friends than roommates. I ran into this girl, Camille, last night and we ended up talking about study abroad and my roommates and stuff. She also wants to write for TV so we have a lot in common, plus she's hilarious and super fun. It was such a nice time and I got to complain to her about how tense my room always is and she said that she always wanted to hang out with me, but doesn't want to invite the whole group of my suite which, in possibly a mean way, made me so so happy. I really, really hope she does the same study abroad as me because she's so much fun and I would love to be better friends with her.
And as for Spencer - He's really, really, really great. :)
I'm really happy its autumn but its so strange to be turning twenty. Also birthdays are sort of sad in New York. Like, this year it'll be better because I have more of an established life and Spencer will make it fun, but its sort of this really melancholy feel that its not like my birthdays used to be. Like...when it smells like fall and what I really want to be doing is getting a book order and going to Campfire where everybody makes a big deal of my birthday and afterwards we all bring our sleeping bags to my house and wear costumes and eat junk food and we play some games but what I'm really looking forward to the whole time is PRESENTS. And after presents we watch some movie I got to rent that probably goes with the theme of the party. And then we'll play truth or dare but nobody really has anything secret to tell except for how Molly probably likes Peter or Robert. What I really want for my birthday this year is a cake with candles so when I blow them out it will actually smell like how birthdays should.
Anyway - my life has been good. This year's schedule is supposed to be crazy hectic, but mine still hasn't been too bad. It's a lot of work and it's hard to be constantly thinking of new, good ideas but I'm having a lot of fun and I feel like the creative part of my brain is so satisfied right now. I'm doing a lot of work I'm proud of which is all I can really hope for. I'm shooting a project tomorrow where two actors (Spencer and my friend Hannah, different than the one I live with) come into a room dressed up with animal masks and then take off their clothes and masks. It should be interesting to shoot and hopefully will look good in a silly way. Today the buses were running late from Spencer's dorm so I decided to skip my gen ed cause it meant having to go back to my dorm, get my stuff, and then hurry back. The class is cool - its called Religious Bodies. I like the topic a lot - its all about how our body is part of religion - either as a site of religious experience or as a sign - like what we show with our bodies, but the class itself can get a little boring. Its a lot of anthropological readings which get sort of tedious and I'm with a lot of religious studies/anthropology majors so its pretty dry. My other classes are going well - I love my TV class and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my writing class. The professor is amazing and probably my favorite I've had so far.
On the friend front - things are fine. I see Hannah a lot, which is great. Laura's been...super crazy. She's constantly in a bad mood and gets really snippy and confrontational about everything so I just sort of avoid the whole situation. She's also just...really materialistic, which she admits, and I mean is fine to some extent. I love clothes and I love getting new things, but she just seems silly to me. She's always buying new stuff and expensive groceries and its just sort of dumb. I feel like our room itself is the perfect metaphor for our relationship. She moved her bed so it now juts into the room - while mine's next to the wall, so her bed takes up most of the space. Her things take up most of the closet and everything she owns is overflowing with things. Even my dresser always has her stuff left on it. I'm really worried cause she wants to do the same study abroad program as me and I really cannot handle having her be the only person I know on an entire continent. But the thing is its my DREAM program and I'm so so so excited for it that I really don't want to let her ruin it. I think last year it was just so much easier because we both felt really happy to have someone since everything was so new and crazy and I felt like I had to put up with her, but, this year, I have no more interest in humoring her and I don't need to put up with all her crazy negativity all the time. We're just very very different.
Also Sabrina's been...not so fun to live with. She's a really sweet person but totally lives in this dreamworld where everything's sort of perfect for her but she totally doesn't realize it. She has so so so much. She's really affluent and her family has so many connections in the film industry that she never needs to worry about a job or money. She also has a lot of connections to celebrities and will just say things like "One time Carrie Fischer braided my hair like Princess Leia for school" and I'll just get so pissed off (which is totally my own fault because I'm super super jealous) and won't even be able to say anything to her. I mean, it's not her fault her life is amazing but it's just incredibly irritating that she has something that I've spent soo much of my life wanting - like ugh I used to have dreams I was meeting someone from the cast of Star Wars. She's also on Spencer's crew for his production class and can get incredibly lazy - like asking me to take equipment to Spencer's dorm for her and not going to shoots, which is just so frustrating.
It's been more apparent how different I am from the people I'm living with and it's been so nice to meet new people. I really like some of Spencer's friends in film and they asked Spencer why I was living with Laura and Sabrina cause we seemed so different and I had to think...and I figured out - I totally agree. I don't know why we're living together. I don't have any of their interests and I'm so much more about...being relaxed. I don't want to severe ties but I think we're just way better as casual friends than roommates. I ran into this girl, Camille, last night and we ended up talking about study abroad and my roommates and stuff. She also wants to write for TV so we have a lot in common, plus she's hilarious and super fun. It was such a nice time and I got to complain to her about how tense my room always is and she said that she always wanted to hang out with me, but doesn't want to invite the whole group of my suite which, in possibly a mean way, made me so so happy. I really, really hope she does the same study abroad as me because she's so much fun and I would love to be better friends with her.
And as for Spencer - He's really, really, really great. :)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Lay and Learn What Each Other's Bodies Were For
Hey guyyyyyys. Thought I'd give you a quick update on my life. I'm in sort of a weird mood right now and it might just be like period weird moodiness (gross) but also its just sort of an ugh feeling. I've been spending tons of time with Spencer all semester which is amazing and I'm being super codependent, but I haven't been spending a ton of time with my friends and I've been realizing having spent a lot of time away from them...I don't really like them all that much. I mean, I love love love Hannah but the less time I spend with Laura the less I...like her. She's been really snippy all semester and every time I see her she has a new thing to be weirdly passive aggressive to me about.
Maybe it's something I'm doing (like she's mad I'm never around) but she's been so much worse to live with this year. Hannah also pointed out that Laura says things that many people (and by many I mean...like every person who has normal social skills) would consider incredibly rude. Like yesterday her mom was here and her mom asked how we divide up the cleaning in our suite and in the snidest voice Laura says "Some of us clean more than others. And by some of us I mean me and Sabrina." Note, she said this while I was sitting across the room. Seriously, if you have a problem just fucking tell me, don't be a bitch. (also this is totally petty but she leaves her shit EVERYWHERE, like she gets undressed in the bathroom and just leaves her clothes on the ground - which is annoying by itself but then she gets on everybody else's case about "not being clean enough" and how she "likes it to be clean" which she always states in this super rude condescending tone. I clean just as much as everybody else - and I am super careful to make sure all my shit is put away and I don't cause any problems for anybody else cause and she just doesn't notice all the things we do for her). I'm really, really sick of it. She's also just mean and rude in public. You know those people you're behind in line sometimes who get in really weird confrontational arguments with servers that are like CLEARLY not the servers fault and you're always thinking to yourself "what's that person's deal?" Well...that's Laura.
I thought it was just me being annoyed but Spencer pointed it out too. He was like "maybe its just me, but it seems like this year Laura's always mad at you." He also pointed out that all my friends here seem really different and how he doesn't get how we all get along and I'm starting to think...maybe its cause we don't? Like, I love Sabrina. She's the sweetest person and I would never want to do anything to her to hurt her feelings, but she can be a tough person to deal with because she comes from a very affluent and connected family in LA and our lives are drastically different and sometimes its hard for either of us to see the other one's perspective. So now I've just been freaking out cause I don't know what to do with myself. I want to have friends I have a lot of fun with and I just don't really have fun with my friends here. Plus I want to spend all my time with Spencer so I just get in this cycle of having no friends and being fine with Spencer and then feeling really alone when he's not around. There's a lot of people I wish I was better friends with but it seems like, though I know logically it isn't, too late to try and befriend anyone.
Also I'm starting to think about study abroad (screenwriting in Dublin! Yayyyyayayyy!) - which I'm really excited about, except Laura wants to do the same program as me at the same time and I just can't handle another semester with her - especially if she's my only friend in an entire city. Also the Dublin program is only available fall semester which means if if if if I'm still dating Spencer I would potentially not see him for the summer and then the first semester of next year...but that's awhile away and a lot of "ifs" before I need to worry for real.
So other than my big bitchfest about everything life is really good. I'm not crazy about my production class which is a huge chunk of my time but it's not forever and everything's not always fun in life so that's okay. I'm taking an awesome TV class that I'm sure I've mentioned and its been giving me hope that I won't be totally broke forever because working in TV business doesn't seem horrible if I don't make it as a writer. I love my writing class and my first script is due on Wednesday which is so exciting. And...Spencer. Makes everything really really really really good. I feel bad cause I've been super moody all week and looking gross and grumpy and he still seems to sort of like me which I'm amazed by. Sometimes I just feel like dying cause I don't feel good and I'm in a bad mood and he still wants to kiss me and stuff and I'm just like WHY DO YOU LIKE ME??? We went back to Jersey this weekend which was fun, cept I was sorta tired and grumpy so I ended up just laying around while his friends played Super Smash Bros.
That's all I can think of to talk about right now - hope everything is good for errybody else. I really miss you guys.
Maybe it's something I'm doing (like she's mad I'm never around) but she's been so much worse to live with this year. Hannah also pointed out that Laura says things that many people (and by many I mean...like every person who has normal social skills) would consider incredibly rude. Like yesterday her mom was here and her mom asked how we divide up the cleaning in our suite and in the snidest voice Laura says "Some of us clean more than others. And by some of us I mean me and Sabrina." Note, she said this while I was sitting across the room. Seriously, if you have a problem just fucking tell me, don't be a bitch. (also this is totally petty but she leaves her shit EVERYWHERE, like she gets undressed in the bathroom and just leaves her clothes on the ground - which is annoying by itself but then she gets on everybody else's case about "not being clean enough" and how she "likes it to be clean" which she always states in this super rude condescending tone. I clean just as much as everybody else - and I am super careful to make sure all my shit is put away and I don't cause any problems for anybody else cause and she just doesn't notice all the things we do for her). I'm really, really sick of it. She's also just mean and rude in public. You know those people you're behind in line sometimes who get in really weird confrontational arguments with servers that are like CLEARLY not the servers fault and you're always thinking to yourself "what's that person's deal?" Well...that's Laura.
I thought it was just me being annoyed but Spencer pointed it out too. He was like "maybe its just me, but it seems like this year Laura's always mad at you." He also pointed out that all my friends here seem really different and how he doesn't get how we all get along and I'm starting to think...maybe its cause we don't? Like, I love Sabrina. She's the sweetest person and I would never want to do anything to her to hurt her feelings, but she can be a tough person to deal with because she comes from a very affluent and connected family in LA and our lives are drastically different and sometimes its hard for either of us to see the other one's perspective. So now I've just been freaking out cause I don't know what to do with myself. I want to have friends I have a lot of fun with and I just don't really have fun with my friends here. Plus I want to spend all my time with Spencer so I just get in this cycle of having no friends and being fine with Spencer and then feeling really alone when he's not around. There's a lot of people I wish I was better friends with but it seems like, though I know logically it isn't, too late to try and befriend anyone.
Also I'm starting to think about study abroad (screenwriting in Dublin! Yayyyyayayyy!) - which I'm really excited about, except Laura wants to do the same program as me at the same time and I just can't handle another semester with her - especially if she's my only friend in an entire city. Also the Dublin program is only available fall semester which means if if if if I'm still dating Spencer I would potentially not see him for the summer and then the first semester of next year...but that's awhile away and a lot of "ifs" before I need to worry for real.
So other than my big bitchfest about everything life is really good. I'm not crazy about my production class which is a huge chunk of my time but it's not forever and everything's not always fun in life so that's okay. I'm taking an awesome TV class that I'm sure I've mentioned and its been giving me hope that I won't be totally broke forever because working in TV business doesn't seem horrible if I don't make it as a writer. I love my writing class and my first script is due on Wednesday which is so exciting. And...Spencer. Makes everything really really really really good. I feel bad cause I've been super moody all week and looking gross and grumpy and he still seems to sort of like me which I'm amazed by. Sometimes I just feel like dying cause I don't feel good and I'm in a bad mood and he still wants to kiss me and stuff and I'm just like WHY DO YOU LIKE ME??? We went back to Jersey this weekend which was fun, cept I was sorta tired and grumpy so I ended up just laying around while his friends played Super Smash Bros.
That's all I can think of to talk about right now - hope everything is good for errybody else. I really miss you guys.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Because Myspace is out of Fashion
I've been spending all my time with Spencer. It's weird being with someone all the time, getting to know everything weird or embarrassing or stupid or gross or silly or sexy about someone, in a really really really really insanely good way. Example: Spencer now knows sometimes I don't shower for like four days because my hair looks weird when its wet.
(shown above - unshowered me)
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