Lay and Learn What Each Other's Bodies Were For

Hey guyyyyyys. Thought I'd give you a quick update on my life. I'm in sort of a weird mood right now and it might just be like period weird moodiness (gross) but also its just sort of an ugh feeling. I've been spending tons of time with Spencer all semester which is amazing and I'm being super codependent, but I haven't been spending a ton of time with my friends and I've been realizing having spent a lot of time away from them...I don't really like them all that much. I mean, I love love love Hannah but the less time I spend with Laura the less I...like her. She's been really snippy all semester and every time I see her she has a new thing to be weirdly passive aggressive to me about.

Maybe it's something I'm doing (like she's mad I'm never around) but she's been so much worse to live with this year. Hannah also pointed out that Laura says things that many people (and by many I mean...like every person who has normal social skills) would consider incredibly rude. Like yesterday her mom was here and her mom asked how we divide up the cleaning in our suite and in the snidest voice Laura says "Some of us clean more than others. And by some of us I mean me and Sabrina." Note, she said this while I was sitting across the room. Seriously, if you have a problem just fucking tell me, don't be a bitch. (also this is totally petty but she leaves her shit EVERYWHERE, like she gets undressed in the bathroom and just leaves her clothes on the ground - which is annoying by itself but then she gets on everybody else's case about "not being clean enough" and how she "likes it to be clean" which she always states in this super rude condescending tone. I clean just as much as everybody else - and I am super careful to make sure all my shit is put away and I don't cause any problems for anybody else cause and she just doesn't notice all the things we do for her). I'm really, really sick of it. She's also just mean and rude in public. You know those people you're behind in line sometimes who get in really weird confrontational arguments with servers that are like CLEARLY not the servers fault and you're always thinking to yourself "what's that person's deal?" Well...that's Laura.

I thought it was just me being annoyed but Spencer pointed it out too. He was like "maybe its just me, but it seems like this year Laura's always mad at you." He also pointed out that all my friends here seem really different and how he doesn't get how we all get along and I'm starting to think...maybe its cause we don't? Like, I love Sabrina. She's the sweetest person and I would never want to do anything to her to hurt her feelings, but she can be a tough person to deal with because she comes from a very affluent and connected family in LA and our lives are drastically different and sometimes its hard for either of us to see the other one's perspective. So now I've just been freaking out cause I don't know what to do with myself. I want to have friends I have a lot of fun with and I just don't really have fun with my friends here. Plus I want to spend all my time with Spencer so I just get in this cycle of having no friends and being fine with Spencer and then feeling really alone when he's not around. There's a lot of people I wish I was better friends with but it seems like, though I know logically it isn't, too late to try and befriend anyone.

Also I'm starting to think about study abroad (screenwriting in Dublin! Yayyyyayayyy!) - which I'm really excited about, except Laura wants to do the same program as me at the same time and I just can't handle another semester with her - especially if she's my only friend in an entire city. Also the Dublin program is only available fall semester which means if if if if I'm still dating Spencer I would potentially not see him for the summer and then the first semester of next year...but that's awhile away and a lot of "ifs" before I need to worry for real.

So other than my big bitchfest about everything life is really good. I'm not crazy about my production class which is a huge chunk of my time but it's not forever and everything's not always fun in life so that's okay. I'm taking an awesome TV class that I'm sure I've mentioned and its been giving me hope that I won't be totally broke forever because working in TV business doesn't seem horrible if I don't make it as a writer. I love my writing class and my first script is due on Wednesday which is so exciting. And...Spencer. Makes everything really really really really good. I feel bad cause I've been super moody all week and looking gross and grumpy and he still seems to sort of like me which I'm amazed by. Sometimes I just feel like dying cause I don't feel good and I'm in a bad mood and he still wants to kiss me and stuff and I'm just like WHY DO YOU LIKE ME??? We went back to Jersey this weekend which was fun, cept I was sorta tired and grumpy so I ended up just laying around while his friends played Super Smash Bros.

That's all I can think of to talk about right now - hope everything is good for errybody else. I really miss you guys.