A little drunk right now but...
tonight was crazy.
We went to this amazing apartment on broadway and partied with this girl named Ulga. It was crazy - she has a really fancy apartment all to herself - and I really liked this guy so I was waiting for him to get there all night and when he got there he told my friend he wasn't interested in me.
So I may have hooked up with someone else...
Fucking crazy night.
Also it says its 1:56?? Its totally 4:56.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Put Me In Your Suitcase - Let Me Help You Pack - Cause You're Never Coming Back
Current song: At the Hop by Devendra Banhart. Everyone should listen to this song - its so beautiful and about leaving home or someone leaving you. Its so sad but wonderful.
Hey! So I think everyone should try to update their blogs more...I know we can just call or something but I really love reading everybody's blogs and keeping up with everyone's lives.
So I don't know where to start this blog...it seems like a ton of things have happened but at the same time nothing's happened. Classes started last Tuesday. I had Central Problems in Philosophy first - its a giant lecture but I love it. I've never taken a class before that asks you think about the existence of God and actually think about life. The reading is really complicated but I love listening to our professor explain all the different theories. Right now we're talking about the various arguments for God and I think if I ever have an obscene amount of money I'll come back to school and major in philosophy.
Next I had Writing the Essay: Art and the World. My professor looks like Hugh Dancy and is hilarious. Its a lot like AP Lit - but very vague and artsy. We mostly talk about our feelings and watch youtube videos. I love it. After that I had Storytelling Strategies Recitation. Its an interesting class - we write screenplays and stuff and go over them in a group but I can't stand my professor. He's a very Hollywood type - really into talking about his life and formulaic stories. The next day I had Sound Image - which is from 9:30 to 3:15. :( Its sort of fun though - I like my professor a lot, but learning technical sound can be very dull... Wednesday night I have Storytelling Strategies Lecture which I loooooove. We watched movies and discuss the elements of the screenplay that make it so brilliant. Thursday I have Philosophy and Writing the Essay again and Performance Strategies Lecture. Performance Strategies is the directing class - but right now we're just learning about acting - like how modern film acting came to be (two words: Marlon Brando). I have the recitation on Monday and in it we just play theater games. Its pretty fun but embarrassing because everyone else in it is so theatrical and I'm just awkward and can't act. Finally on Friday all I have is the Philosophy recitation. So that's an overview of my week!
Right now to paint a picture of my life: Today I went to get coffee at a delicious coffee place called Oren's that has cheap shortbread and went to my Philosophy class and sat by Hannah and Yoni. Yoni spoke hebrew to Oren which made it hard to join in on their conversation. After I went to lunch with people from philosophy at Kimmel (which is our sort of student commons place) and went to Writing the Essay and stared at my beautiful professor for an hour and ran to catch Performance Strategies.
ANYWAY he had to go home before his next class so I started walking by myself and than I get hit in the head with a huge piece of hail and than it started pouring down rain. I had wanted to go to a prescreening of a movie at Cantor (our film center) but I didn't have anyone to go with so I ran up to this girl from my class and asked her to go with me so she and her friend and I crowded under one umbrella and ran. We ended up completely soaked - it was like standing in the shower with your clothes on. We went to Jack Goes Boating - which was directed and stars Philip Seymour Hoffman. It was alright - but I loved that we got to see it early and for free. After that I met up with my friend Hannah (who I looooveeee) and we goofed around in the dorm with Aaron. After awhile we got really hungry and went to buy very expensive groceries. Everything is so expensive in New York. And now I'm sitting on my bed while Laura and I both type away at our computers.
I've been thinking about how good my day was today - and how good all of my days have been. In high school I used to wake up pissed off - I hated going to school and I hated the idea of wasting my time - but now I wake up ready for the day. I like my classes and I'm learning things for the sake of learning them - not just for a grade or to pass - because they are things I actually want to know. I have people here - and by no means all the people - that I really like. Today at lunch we talked about Hurt Locker and Kathryn Bigelow and the Coen Brothers. I miss you guys and I love you so much but I really love it here. I randomly just stop on the street and look around and think about how amazing it is that I live in New York City. Everything is bustling and busy. Anything you want you can get. Its gross and its awful - but its poetic and beautiful. Its the city where everything happens - and has happened. Its the city where Kerouac and Dylan and Holden Caulfield lived. I know I've been homesick but right now I never want to leave.
Hey! So I think everyone should try to update their blogs more...I know we can just call or something but I really love reading everybody's blogs and keeping up with everyone's lives.
So I don't know where to start this blog...it seems like a ton of things have happened but at the same time nothing's happened. Classes started last Tuesday. I had Central Problems in Philosophy first - its a giant lecture but I love it. I've never taken a class before that asks you think about the existence of God and actually think about life. The reading is really complicated but I love listening to our professor explain all the different theories. Right now we're talking about the various arguments for God and I think if I ever have an obscene amount of money I'll come back to school and major in philosophy.
Next I had Writing the Essay: Art and the World. My professor looks like Hugh Dancy and is hilarious. Its a lot like AP Lit - but very vague and artsy. We mostly talk about our feelings and watch youtube videos. I love it. After that I had Storytelling Strategies Recitation. Its an interesting class - we write screenplays and stuff and go over them in a group but I can't stand my professor. He's a very Hollywood type - really into talking about his life and formulaic stories. The next day I had Sound Image - which is from 9:30 to 3:15. :( Its sort of fun though - I like my professor a lot, but learning technical sound can be very dull... Wednesday night I have Storytelling Strategies Lecture which I loooooove. We watched movies and discuss the elements of the screenplay that make it so brilliant. Thursday I have Philosophy and Writing the Essay again and Performance Strategies Lecture. Performance Strategies is the directing class - but right now we're just learning about acting - like how modern film acting came to be (two words: Marlon Brando). I have the recitation on Monday and in it we just play theater games. Its pretty fun but embarrassing because everyone else in it is so theatrical and I'm just awkward and can't act. Finally on Friday all I have is the Philosophy recitation. So that's an overview of my week!
Right now to paint a picture of my life: Today I went to get coffee at a delicious coffee place called Oren's that has cheap shortbread and went to my Philosophy class and sat by Hannah and Yoni. Yoni spoke hebrew to Oren which made it hard to join in on their conversation. After I went to lunch with people from philosophy at Kimmel (which is our sort of student commons place) and went to Writing the Essay and stared at my beautiful professor for an hour and ran to catch Performance Strategies.
ANYWAY he had to go home before his next class so I started walking by myself and than I get hit in the head with a huge piece of hail and than it started pouring down rain. I had wanted to go to a prescreening of a movie at Cantor (our film center) but I didn't have anyone to go with so I ran up to this girl from my class and asked her to go with me so she and her friend and I crowded under one umbrella and ran. We ended up completely soaked - it was like standing in the shower with your clothes on. We went to Jack Goes Boating - which was directed and stars Philip Seymour Hoffman. It was alright - but I loved that we got to see it early and for free. After that I met up with my friend Hannah (who I looooveeee) and we goofed around in the dorm with Aaron. After awhile we got really hungry and went to buy very expensive groceries. Everything is so expensive in New York. And now I'm sitting on my bed while Laura and I both type away at our computers.
I've been thinking about how good my day was today - and how good all of my days have been. In high school I used to wake up pissed off - I hated going to school and I hated the idea of wasting my time - but now I wake up ready for the day. I like my classes and I'm learning things for the sake of learning them - not just for a grade or to pass - because they are things I actually want to know. I have people here - and by no means all the people - that I really like. Today at lunch we talked about Hurt Locker and Kathryn Bigelow and the Coen Brothers. I miss you guys and I love you so much but I really love it here. I randomly just stop on the street and look around and think about how amazing it is that I live in New York City. Everything is bustling and busy. Anything you want you can get. Its gross and its awful - but its poetic and beautiful. Its the city where everything happens - and has happened. Its the city where Kerouac and Dylan and Holden Caulfield lived. I know I've been homesick but right now I never want to leave.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I'm Good I'm Gone
Hey! So classes started yesterday - which was so nice. I have Philosophy yesterday morning which I love. Its the first time I've ever been asked to really really think in a class. Plus my friend Hannah is in it with me. Next I hate Writing the Essay: Art and the World. That class was much smaller - just around 10. Our proff is really cute and gay and pretty funny. The class seems like its going to be so easy. We just have to write about like what forms the essays we're reading are and than eventually we write a paper after like ten drafts.
Next I went to lunch and ate the worst burrito in the word and than I had Storytelling Strategies. I was really antsy during the last one because I was meeting up with Yoni after. The class seems alright though - our professor was somewhat annoying but we have cool assignments like "record an overheard conversation." The creep in me is getting its time to shine.
After that I went to Washington Square Park and my roommates and friends went to the NYU mystery concert - which I really didn't want to go see. I watched a cello player and an acoustic guitarist play under the arch which as beautiful and than met up with Yoni and walked around New York. We walked for so long and now my feet are essentially one giant blister but it was so worth it. He's from Israel and he's so interesting. He talks about everything - like everything that seems to matter - like life and death and God and what we live for and what we fear and what makes a person strong. It was an amazing night.
Next I went to lunch and ate the worst burrito in the word and than I had Storytelling Strategies. I was really antsy during the last one because I was meeting up with Yoni after. The class seems alright though - our professor was somewhat annoying but we have cool assignments like "record an overheard conversation." The creep in me is getting its time to shine.
After that I went to Washington Square Park and my roommates and friends went to the NYU mystery concert - which I really didn't want to go see. I watched a cello player and an acoustic guitarist play under the arch which as beautiful and than met up with Yoni and walked around New York. We walked for so long and now my feet are essentially one giant blister but it was so worth it. He's from Israel and he's so interesting. He talks about everything - like everything that seems to matter - like life and death and God and what we live for and what we fear and what makes a person strong. It was an amazing night.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Oh the times we had - when the wind would blow with wind and snow - were not all bad
Hey! Sorry I know I've been posting a lot but its nice for me to feel connected.
So feel free to skim or not read my multitude of blogs.
This week has been really awful buuuut its getting better. Each day has a longer period of time where I feel okay about where I am and not so homesick. I'm starting to make friends and classes start soon which is going to be very distracting. My roommate's been cool. She's kind of intense to live with but really fun so its fine. If she ever met Max they would kill each other. She's super liberal and very like "this is not opinion, this is fact." She's been really nice though and its nice to live with someone who I get along with and we have a ton of similar interests. I also have a new friend named Hannah who I love. She's hilarious and adorably humble. She knows everything about how to make food or where to go for great food. Maddy met her over skype but you should all skype me and meet my new friends!
Last night we tried to go like bar hopping but we were in the wrong neighborhood and all the bars were really classy and wouldn't let us in. It was super lame and Laura got pretty pissed off - so we just bought Nutella and watched Chocolat in our neighbor's dorm. It was hilarious because we had all forgotten how insanely girly that movie is and I'm pretty sure all the men hated it.
Also last night Max changed his facebook status to single which is lame because it's facebook, but it was still really sad. Laura's so great to talk to though. I miss Max but breaking up now is what has to happen. We're trying to stay best friends but its really hard to hear him talk about life without me. :(
Also the day before we went to the Guggenheim which was so great. We also went to Central Park. (btw this blog is essentially word vomit) The Guggenheim was great but the exhibit that we were required to see for Tisch was so depressing that it put me in this horrible mood. It was all about life and death and the idea of the past haunting us. NOT OKAY TISCH. I WAS TOO SAD.
Yesterday I met a family friend named Ted - he's an NYU grad and teaches yoga in the East Village. He's amazing. He showed me around NY a lot and was soo nice to me. He showed me a liquor store where they don't card. :D After that my new friends and I went to Soho and Chinatown. Soho is all pretty expensive clothing stores and it seemed like everyone had more money than me but than we walked reallllly far for 5 for a dollar dumplings at a delicious Chinese place so that settled my worries.
I've been getting closer to people - so I feel more at home but I feel nothing's going to replace you guys.
Also there's this guy I've been talking to - more on him later - but he sent me this amazing picture when I told him I was homesick.
Its called Homesickness.
http://www.fotos.org/galeria/data/570/Rene-Magritte-Homesickness.jpg
So feel free to skim or not read my multitude of blogs.
This week has been really awful buuuut its getting better. Each day has a longer period of time where I feel okay about where I am and not so homesick. I'm starting to make friends and classes start soon which is going to be very distracting. My roommate's been cool. She's kind of intense to live with but really fun so its fine. If she ever met Max they would kill each other. She's super liberal and very like "this is not opinion, this is fact." She's been really nice though and its nice to live with someone who I get along with and we have a ton of similar interests. I also have a new friend named Hannah who I love. She's hilarious and adorably humble. She knows everything about how to make food or where to go for great food. Maddy met her over skype but you should all skype me and meet my new friends!
Last night we tried to go like bar hopping but we were in the wrong neighborhood and all the bars were really classy and wouldn't let us in. It was super lame and Laura got pretty pissed off - so we just bought Nutella and watched Chocolat in our neighbor's dorm. It was hilarious because we had all forgotten how insanely girly that movie is and I'm pretty sure all the men hated it.
Also last night Max changed his facebook status to single which is lame because it's facebook, but it was still really sad. Laura's so great to talk to though. I miss Max but breaking up now is what has to happen. We're trying to stay best friends but its really hard to hear him talk about life without me. :(
Also the day before we went to the Guggenheim which was so great. We also went to Central Park. (btw this blog is essentially word vomit) The Guggenheim was great but the exhibit that we were required to see for Tisch was so depressing that it put me in this horrible mood. It was all about life and death and the idea of the past haunting us. NOT OKAY TISCH. I WAS TOO SAD.
Yesterday I met a family friend named Ted - he's an NYU grad and teaches yoga in the East Village. He's amazing. He showed me around NY a lot and was soo nice to me. He showed me a liquor store where they don't card. :D After that my new friends and I went to Soho and Chinatown. Soho is all pretty expensive clothing stores and it seemed like everyone had more money than me but than we walked reallllly far for 5 for a dollar dumplings at a delicious Chinese place so that settled my worries.
I've been getting closer to people - so I feel more at home but I feel nothing's going to replace you guys.
Also there's this guy I've been talking to - more on him later - but he sent me this amazing picture when I told him I was homesick.
Its called Homesickness.
http://www.fotos.org/galeria/data/570/Rene-Magritte-Homesickness.jpg
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Hello Again
Hey guys. I'm not sure what to write about - but I really need to write. I'm still having a really tough time here. I've been trying to push through - just go day by day but its so so so hard. I haven't been doing anything at night because I feel so awful. My stomach starts to ache so badly that I can't do anything other than lay down and cry. In the mornings I wake up so scared that I'm still here and than I walk around by myself for a few hours.
I know I should't dwell on what I've left behind but right now its the only thing that makes me feel okay. I've been talking to everyone a lot - so please please contact me. I want to talk to everyone so badly. I set up a counseling appointment next week - but its still a ways away. Every day is so insanely hard.
I know I'm being a baby but this has honestly been the worst week of my life. I don't like where I am or who I'm with. This whole summer I'd started to have huge doubts about what I was doing but I just figured I was wrong - but when I got here every fear I had was completely realized.
I miss my family so much its insane. I'm so close to my family that its so insanely hard to live without them. I also miss Max. So so so much.
I'm sorry this is just a huge downer and I know I'm being really stupid - there's tons of people in worse situations, but I feel like I've made a huge mistake. Everyone in the film program is so intense. Everything is so competitive - our advisor said the number one thing you need in this major is connections. Fuck that. I don't want to do that. I want to be a student and a scholar. I love film but I don't want to sell my soul to be miserable for the rest of my life. I know I've only been here for a very short amount of time - so please take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt - but I don't think this is the place for me. I want some where that keeps my brain working and makes me happy. Here doesn't make me happy at all. Right now I feel like what I really need is a cerebral school - a real school not an insane film program - where I can learn to do something like be a professor -not a production assistant or sound editor.
I'm also missing the genuine people. Everyone here is so fucking fake. And back stabbing. And pretentious. We went to the Met yesterday - which was the first good thing I've done in days and some of the people that met us there were just so....bored. At one of the best museums in the world. They just pointed out everything they didn't like and what was stupid. I can't stand these people.
My dad is coming out in September and we're going up to Vermont to see my Grandpa, so I can't wait for that. Also my cousin Meredith and I are going to go to Massachusetts for a weekend and my parents are coming back out in October. Also I'm coming back to Iowa for Thanksgiving and Christmas. So slowly I will work my way through the semester by visits and talking to everyone - so I can just get through this semester to rethink everything about what I want in life. Everything here makes me rethink what I want. I'm sick of the people who act fake - I've just stopped doing anything with my hair or my clothes. I want to be who I am and to come back to the people who love me for real.
I know this is a huge adventure for me - but I feel like maybe its going to teach me a lesson. Art is about telling people what is worth living for - so maybe I should just live for those things instead of the creation of art. If I have what I want to preach in art - why not live to share that with the people I love?
I know this is just a giant rant and if you don't read it that's totally fine. Just know that I love you guys so much and I miss you all desperately.
I know I should't dwell on what I've left behind but right now its the only thing that makes me feel okay. I've been talking to everyone a lot - so please please contact me. I want to talk to everyone so badly. I set up a counseling appointment next week - but its still a ways away. Every day is so insanely hard.
I know I'm being a baby but this has honestly been the worst week of my life. I don't like where I am or who I'm with. This whole summer I'd started to have huge doubts about what I was doing but I just figured I was wrong - but when I got here every fear I had was completely realized.
I miss my family so much its insane. I'm so close to my family that its so insanely hard to live without them. I also miss Max. So so so much.
I'm sorry this is just a huge downer and I know I'm being really stupid - there's tons of people in worse situations, but I feel like I've made a huge mistake. Everyone in the film program is so intense. Everything is so competitive - our advisor said the number one thing you need in this major is connections. Fuck that. I don't want to do that. I want to be a student and a scholar. I love film but I don't want to sell my soul to be miserable for the rest of my life. I know I've only been here for a very short amount of time - so please take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt - but I don't think this is the place for me. I want some where that keeps my brain working and makes me happy. Here doesn't make me happy at all. Right now I feel like what I really need is a cerebral school - a real school not an insane film program - where I can learn to do something like be a professor -not a production assistant or sound editor.
I'm also missing the genuine people. Everyone here is so fucking fake. And back stabbing. And pretentious. We went to the Met yesterday - which was the first good thing I've done in days and some of the people that met us there were just so....bored. At one of the best museums in the world. They just pointed out everything they didn't like and what was stupid. I can't stand these people.
My dad is coming out in September and we're going up to Vermont to see my Grandpa, so I can't wait for that. Also my cousin Meredith and I are going to go to Massachusetts for a weekend and my parents are coming back out in October. Also I'm coming back to Iowa for Thanksgiving and Christmas. So slowly I will work my way through the semester by visits and talking to everyone - so I can just get through this semester to rethink everything about what I want in life. Everything here makes me rethink what I want. I'm sick of the people who act fake - I've just stopped doing anything with my hair or my clothes. I want to be who I am and to come back to the people who love me for real.
I know this is a huge adventure for me - but I feel like maybe its going to teach me a lesson. Art is about telling people what is worth living for - so maybe I should just live for those things instead of the creation of art. If I have what I want to preach in art - why not live to share that with the people I love?
I know this is just a giant rant and if you don't read it that's totally fine. Just know that I love you guys so much and I miss you all desperately.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Blergh
So...hey everyone. I'm sitting in my dorm. Being very, very homesick.
The passed few days have been okay - there's been some fun parts but mostly I've been so so homesick. I have waves of highs and lows and than my lows are so desperately low.
I haven't really told anyone - other than Tacy and Max and my family knows - but I have a minor anxiety disorder. I get panic attacks - like actual, medical panic attacks. The worst one I ever had was this fall and its an impossible feeling to describe - you just feel like you are dying and having a heart attack. My panic attacks are brought on whenever I get too stressed and I had one today.
I'm really sorry for posting a bunch of like downer stuff on this blog - and I can tell everybody else is having such an amazing time, but I feel so so awful right now. I miss everything and I keep having these terrible stress stomaches where I can't eat for hours. All I want to do is go home.
The passed few days have been okay - there's been some fun parts but mostly I've been so so homesick. I have waves of highs and lows and than my lows are so desperately low.
I haven't really told anyone - other than Tacy and Max and my family knows - but I have a minor anxiety disorder. I get panic attacks - like actual, medical panic attacks. The worst one I ever had was this fall and its an impossible feeling to describe - you just feel like you are dying and having a heart attack. My panic attacks are brought on whenever I get too stressed and I had one today.
I'm really sorry for posting a bunch of like downer stuff on this blog - and I can tell everybody else is having such an amazing time, but I feel so so awful right now. I miss everything and I keep having these terrible stress stomaches where I can't eat for hours. All I want to do is go home.
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