love and some verses

Hello everybody! Seemed about time for a blog, I guess. So here's some word vomit of emotion.

I'm really happy its autumn but its so strange to be turning twenty. Also birthdays are sort of sad in New York. Like, this year it'll be better because I have more of an established life and Spencer will make it fun, but its sort of this really melancholy feel that its not like my birthdays used to be. Like...when it smells like fall and what I really want to be doing is getting a book order and going to Campfire where everybody makes a big deal of my birthday and afterwards we all bring our sleeping bags to my house and wear costumes and eat junk food and we play some games but what I'm really looking forward to the whole time is PRESENTS. And after presents we watch some movie I got to rent that probably goes with the theme of the party. And then we'll play truth or dare but nobody really has anything secret to tell except for how Molly probably likes Peter or Robert. What I really want for my birthday this year is a cake with candles so when I blow them out it will actually smell like how birthdays should.

Anyway - my life has been good. This year's schedule is supposed to be crazy hectic, but mine still hasn't been too bad. It's a lot of work and it's hard to be constantly thinking of new, good ideas but I'm having a lot of fun and I feel like the creative part of my brain is so satisfied right now. I'm doing a lot of work I'm proud of which is all I can really hope for. I'm shooting a project tomorrow where two actors (Spencer and my friend Hannah, different than the one I live with) come into a room dressed up with animal masks and then take off their clothes and masks. It should be interesting to shoot and hopefully will look good in a silly way. Today the buses were running late from Spencer's dorm so I decided to skip my gen ed cause it meant having to go back to my dorm, get my stuff, and then hurry back. The class is cool - its called Religious Bodies. I like the topic a lot - its all about how our body is part of religion - either as a site of religious experience or as a sign - like what we show with our bodies, but the class itself can get a little boring. Its a lot of anthropological readings which get sort of tedious and I'm with a lot of religious studies/anthropology majors so its pretty dry. My other classes are going well - I love my TV class and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my writing class. The professor is amazing and probably my favorite I've had so far.

On the friend front - things are fine. I see Hannah a lot, which is great. Laura's been...super crazy. She's constantly in a bad mood and gets really snippy and confrontational about everything so I just sort of avoid the whole situation. She's also just...really materialistic, which she admits, and I mean is fine to some extent. I love clothes and I love getting new things, but she just seems silly to me. She's always buying new stuff and expensive groceries and its just sort of dumb. I feel like our room itself is the perfect metaphor for our relationship. She moved her bed so it now juts into the room - while mine's next to the wall, so her bed takes up most of the space. Her things take up most of the closet and everything she owns is overflowing with things. Even my dresser always has her stuff left on it. I'm really worried cause she wants to do the same study abroad program as me and I really cannot handle having her be the only person I know on an entire continent. But the thing is its my DREAM program and I'm so so so excited for it that I really don't want to let her ruin it. I think last year it was just so much easier because we both felt really happy to have someone since everything was so new and crazy and I felt like I had to put up with her, but, this year, I have no more interest in humoring her and I don't need to put up with all her crazy negativity all the time. We're just very very different.

Also Sabrina's been...not so fun to live with. She's a really sweet person but totally lives in this dreamworld where everything's sort of perfect for her but she totally doesn't realize it. She has so so so much. She's really affluent and her family has so many connections in the film industry that she never needs to worry about a job or money. She also has a lot of connections to celebrities and will just say things like "One time Carrie Fischer braided my hair like Princess Leia for school" and I'll just get so pissed off (which is totally my own fault because I'm super super jealous) and won't even be able to say anything to her. I mean, it's not her fault her life is amazing but it's just incredibly irritating that she has something that I've spent soo much of my life wanting - like ugh I used to have dreams I was meeting someone from the cast of Star Wars. She's also on Spencer's crew for his production class and can get incredibly lazy - like asking me to take equipment to Spencer's dorm for her and not going to shoots, which is just so frustrating.

It's been more apparent how different I am from the people I'm living with and it's been so nice to meet new people. I really like some of Spencer's friends in film and they asked Spencer why I was living with Laura and Sabrina cause we seemed so different and I had to think...and I figured out - I totally agree. I don't know why we're living together. I don't have any of their interests and I'm so much more about...being relaxed. I don't want to severe ties but I think we're just way better as casual friends than roommates. I ran into this girl, Camille, last night and we ended up talking about study abroad and my roommates and stuff. She also wants to write for TV so we have a lot in common, plus she's hilarious and super fun. It was such a nice time and I got to complain to her about how tense my room always is and she said that she always wanted to hang out with me, but doesn't want to invite the whole group of my suite which, in possibly a mean way, made me so so happy. I really, really hope she does the same study abroad as me because she's so much fun and I would love to be better friends with her.

And as for Spencer - He's really, really, really great. :)