the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

Yo yo yo guys. It's been a while since a blog so let's do this.


Classes have been going well. I just finished my first narrative for my production class (you should check it out - its on facebook under the album 15 Frame Narrative!) and I feel really good about it. I don't know a whole lot about cameras so its been sorta tough keeping up with a lot of people that do. My professor's this really cool young black lady, but she's still not as great as my favorite lady ever from last semester - Barbara Malmet - and my class is sorta quiet and not as close knit. On the first day I was sort of worried because I didn't know anyone that well, except for person. We were friends last semester, but not super close, and I really wanted to have a class with him because he's really cute and really nice.

So I had a big crush on Jack in class but I figured we were just in the friend zone, but two weeks ago he texts me out of nowhere and asks to hang out and I, of course, say YESSSSSS. He comes over and we're talking and watching movies and he starts kissing me and again I am like YESSSSSS. We ended up hanging out every day for about a week and kissing a bunch and talking and I was soo excited. Not to be melodramatic, but it was such a good time and I got really happy - happier than I'd been about a crush for a really long time. Like sometimes my stomach would get knotted up and I couldn't eat. He's really quiet but he seemed to sort of be letting his guard down. It was so much fun and we sat by each other in our big lecture classes and everything, but all of a sudden he just got sort of distant and didn't ask me to hang out and every time I would ask him he'd be busy - but I couldn't ever tell what he meant because he seemed super apologetic. We didn't hang out for awhile and this week he came over for about an hour but it was sort of weird because Laura was here and we didn't kiss or anything and I asked him to hang out Friday (because Laura was out of town and everything,,,) but he couldn't.

So this weekend Laura's visiting her sister so Friday we wanted to drink and smoke to our heart's content in my room. We bought some beer, got Indian food, went to a comedy show and than came back to my dorm and drank a lot and smoked a lot of weed. I was really bummed about Jack and I had been trying to get him to come over and Ryan made a joke (sort of, more of just a comment) about his blowing me off. We ended up drinking huge amount of alcohol and smoking a lot of weed (and apparently an RA came and asked Ryan, who was in the hallway outside of our room and doesn't smoke, if anyone was smoking...so we got super lucky that we didn't get caught). So the night started to calm down and everyone started to go home, except for my friend Ian and honestly...we ended up having sex. We barely actually did anything because we were both so drunk that it didn't really work. We ended up just talking for a really long time about relationships because Ian is still sort of in love with his ex girlfriend and I talked to him a bunch about Jack. It was really odd because I've hooked up with Ian a lot that it felt really natural that we'd end up sleeping together and it was really comfortable. I'm only uncomfortable with it because I wish it hadn't happened on a night where I was really upset. I'm glad though that making a silly decision was with someone I really trust.

Last night we didn't really have a lot to do but we wanted to dance and drink a lot. We chugged four lokos and went to Columbia, but the dance party we went to was realllly lame. And because we were hurrying to get there I drank way too quickly and got super sick. We ended up just taking a cab home because we were so miserable and in the cab I started to feel really sick and we ended up having to get out of the cab early because I ended up...throwing up...everywhere. So I have now officially puked all over the streets of New York. I feel like it was some sort of rite of passage to being a real New Yorker. Its the point where you really realize you are invisible in the giant city and you're really one of them. I remember being really upset that I puked near someone's car. My friends took me home and made sure I was in bed and at around 5 in the morning the FIRE ALARM GOES OFF. I was sooo out of it. I put on a tshirt over my dress and my boots and a coat. I literally stumbled down the stairs, looking sooo drunk. It was freezing so Ryan and I went to go get bagels which made it mildly better.

So that's been my weekend, ladies. I'm currently therapeutically listening to Florence and the Machines. Screaming along with her has got to be sooooo good for the soul. Life is alright in the city, for now. I'm hoping I'm being paranoid about the whole Jack thing...but that's life. I've got to give it time. I'm also excited for spring break - which is in a few weeks - my mom and my aunt are coming out so we're going to go out for lots of food and do touristy NY things. Miss you and love you guys!