Take It Easy (Love Nothing)

Hey guys! I'm having a crazy ass week so I'm going to take a break from studying to write a blog!

So last night I went to see Bright Eyes at Radio City. It was honestly one of the best nights of my life. The Bright Eyes album "I'm Wide Awake Its Morning" got me through so much in my life and so much of it is about living in the Village that its always been my idealized version of NY and a huge part of why I wanted to live in NY so badly - just to be an artist like Conor Oberst and find meaning and create awesome art. Radio City is such an awesome venue - its so iconic and everything is decorated as it was built, so its really glamourous. This is also Bright Eyes' last tour and, though I'm sure I'll see Conor in concert again, its really sad knowing this will be the last time I see him perform the music from Bright Eyes. The concert itself was so fucking fantastic. They played this intro of a man speaking that was all about where we are in the universe and what it means to find love and meaning in life and then Conor came out and played. They played a lot from their new album, but a ton of old songs too. It was the greatest feeling hearing these songs that were such a huge part of my life song by the real person, in real life, with hundreds of other people singing along and even though I'd heard the songs so many times they suddenly had a completely different meaning - like I understood all the lyrics and they were exactly how I felt. It was just....magical to have this guy like...showing us what was in his soul and we were all on the same page. Parts of it I just started crying because it was so beautiful and so perfect. I'd been having sort of a strange week, but it just made life seem so good, like everything in my life was enough if I could just listen to them play.

So here's an update on my life, besides the amazing-ness of Bright Eyes -

This week has been crazy. Its our midterm week so we have a ton of work. This semester has been way harder than the last one. One of my classes, Language of Film, is a really cool class but for some reason its insanely hard. The TA writers the most difficult quizzes and since everyone complained and was failing he decided to reformat them but the reformatting was actually harder, so today in class no one finished the quiz (it was 25 questions in 10 minutes that asked you to recall and analyze specific scenes from movies we had watched for each question and during it he has this really stressful habit of telling us what to do like "There's only five minutes left so ANSWER THE QUESTIONS NOW" and we were all like THAT IS SO UNHELPFUL - of course we are already trying to answer the questions!). I also have a large paper due for my gen ed and my paper is due for Writing the Essay - as well as my experimental film for Frame and Sequence which is due after Spring Break. Basically, crazy amounts of work. Everyone is just going crazy and delirious from lack of sleep. In our Frame and Sequence class none of us had slept and we were watching examples of experimental films. We were all sitting there, glassy eyed, with our heads in our hands, groaning things like "ahhh tooo tired to think about experimental filmssss."

Also, Jack and I talked. We were supposed to go to the Met together (for class) but he kept delaying and falling asleep, so finally we ended up just looking at art online and pretending we went on Sunday. He ended up falling asleep in my bed for a really long time while I did my homework. After that we went to get dinner and he was acting super weird and really out of it. He ended up telling me he felt really bad that he'd been such a dick to me and that he was just in this weird haze and super confused about life and that he thought it was really unfair to me that we keep hanging out romantically. He was really sweet though and told me he really liked me and when I was like "okay well if you figure out how you feel about me let me know" he was like "nooo its not you, I'm sorry I phrased it like that, I like you, but its like I don't know how I feel about relationships - I need to figure out myself before I get involved with anyone." I told him that I really did like him and I apologized for being super awkward and, this kinda killed me, said "you're as awkward as I am." Damn you awkward boys, making my heart hurt. We decided we still really wanna be friends. After he left we hugged in the dining hall and I went over to my friend Eric and ate a lot of ice cream and vented a lot. I was super worried about Frame and Sequence too because he's basically my only friend in the class, but he didn't show up for the first half cause he overslept and when he did, things went really well. It sucked a lot because it wasn't really the same, but I do really like him and, at least, I want to be his friend.

So that's been my week so far. I'm excited to be staying in the city over break because I feel I haven't been taking advantage of it enough. I live in this huge cultural city and I stay in the Village way too much so this break I'm going to explore a lot. I'm bummed that I won't get to see any of you guys and that almost all of my friends from here are going home, but my mom and my aunt are coming out. So happy spring breaks to you all! Love you and miss you!